I’m far too busy to bother with copying, pasting sending the same reply 86 times.

Why didn’t my comment show each bullet point on a different line like I had typed it

Oh, that filthy cunt can think she can try…

Oh no the dog!!😲

Nobody is forcing anyone

I jusg imagined someone sitting to pee off a cliff, thanks.

I sit to pee because my dick is pierced so now I have two pee holes. If i have nothing in, I can plug the hole and stand. Besides that, sometimes I’m not in the mood to stand, sometimes I’m not in the mood to undo my pants and take them down.

-I spend 15 minutes every morning shitting and pissing and then shitting some more, so I stay seated for the entire feature presentation. -I’m groggy every fucjin morning -it’s a little dirty and hairy, I try to clean once a week but my back hurts so sometimes I’m just like fuuuuuuuuck that. Sometimes I find piss stains on the underside of the toilet seat and wonder how that got there while I clean it

• eating, sleeping, shitting and farting

Breh my job involves driving to addresses outside of their normal working hours to the general public . It is so f u c k i n g annoying to have to listen to day in and day out. Same with “traffic is heavier than usual”. Also every. Damn. Day at the same time of day.

I’ve been waiting since I was like 12 to tell that story to someone who would get it, and when I read your comment, I thought “Finally today’s the day!”

No way! It’s always great to meet another Matt. Hey Matt!

That is really fucking cool

Dude i kept having fucmin dreams where i kept getting shot and my red health and blue armour would appear in my vision, and go down. Then I’d try to look at my watch to quit to menu, but it would be blown up just sitting there on my wrist blackened and falling apart so I had ti ride it out and die.

It would be me on the ground and then the grenade landing in front if my face and then going BANG that woke me up and got me out of there

My boss is currently handling my workload as well as his own while I, his only employee, am doing my last level of apprenticeship classroom training. He’s done this for me every time I’ve gone away to school or for vacation for the past 3 years.

Yesterday I got a call from one of our top customers so I relayed the call to my boss.

He answers the phone. I say the thing is spewing oil. He lets out a huge sigh and goes “OOOOHHH man I can’t wait for you to come back. I’ll get it, thanks for taking the call, bye”

I’m 7 weeks down with 3 to go til I’m back to work and the man is beat.

Why would you shove a toothpick under your toenail and kick the wall as hard as you can if you’re a goddamn pussy

Interesting, never knew.

Here’s another one some people have never realized. Literally is not the same word as literately

Fascinating how not having kids leaves me with all my money to buy as much chocolate and sex as I want!

Yes, all of that. In that order.

Holy shit, I like calling it that now

I’m a 32 yo millenial and the first time i read “my crush” in a sentence was in a teen magazine when I was 12 yeard old, and from context, it definitely meant “person I have a crush on”

It’s nothing new

IYTYTHSM, YTYTBOSM

You’re welcone

This also happens to me in reverse. I get half a sentence out, the other person nods and says “yup” or “K”, and then i say “yeah k so then anyway” and on to the next point