I’m always gonna see Pip and Merry with influencer hair now, and it’s all your fault!

“Hi, I’m the guy from the video you just watched. He’s a clipshow of the video you just watched.”

Ark is a masterclass on how to make a video game that’s actively hostile towards its user base.

As a nearly decades long veteran of Ark, I’m beyond familiar with characters that look like an amalgamation of Jabba the Hutt and a russet potato.

I’ve seen it said that people create three types of characters in online character creation: first is just themselves. We’ve all done it. Second is a celebrity or character from an IP. Think of all the Shreks, Peter Griffins and Samuel Jackson’s that were being shared when baldurs gate 3 came out. Third is an unholy monstrosity that’s just every slider at the extremes.

I think it was Jack on Roster Teeth that said it best…

Everyone made their online character for GTAOnline as basically themselves, except Jack, he made a female character. They all start ripping on him and he hits them with “if I’m gonna be staring at an ass for the next 500 hours, i want it to be a girl’s ass.” I think Gavin even asked if it was too late to switch.

ETA: girls run faster in GTA, so it’s the better choice by any metric.

Nancy “McConnell” Pelosi, still hard at work, fucking over America for personal gain.

Between this story and the Alex Jones story, I’m beginning to think judges should also… well, i can’t say what i think should happen and not violate ToS…

Translation: “we didn’t think this predatory behavior would affect our bottom line, and we deeply regret that it has.”

YOU’RE just a bunch of shapes and colors!