‘disgusting’ balls

My ex-girlfriend’s nickname for me.

another over damage to an unknown piece of police equipment.

You can just sat ‘shat in the toaster’.

And yet there are a lot more c-words down south.

Surely you mean pic-a-nic basket?

That poor bastard yak (or whatever) wandered into the wrong canyon that day.

Careful, my wife grew up on the mean streets of Hampstead.

But she’s got no opinion on whether Quality Street or Rises are better which came as a surprise to me.

My missus will fight you!

Cheetahs don’t have retractable claws, therefore dog.

Whuuuuuu??? You should come round our place, they’re always the ones left in the bottom of the tub.

Who would bite into a Quality Street without unwrapping it first?

Damn, I was hoping to score off him.

I feel kink-shamed by some of these comments. I love watching a bald-headed linesman. Mmm. Nnnnnrgh!

Amazeballs!

He said the most effective way to tackle anti-social behaviour was probably to catch offenders in the act, something that would require more police officers.

But, he added, politicians usually prefer to opt for the “cheaper” option of increasing the severity of the punishment, such as fines, rather than employing more officers to enforce the rules.

So close. The most effective way to tackle anti-social behaviour might be to address the causes of antisocial behaviour. But that would be even more expensive than just hiring more coppers.

Removed by mod

no fire alarm system was installed in the building because experts had considered it not necessary

“And was the fire station insured?”

“Not against fire. What would be the point?”

Dammit!

Rookie numbers. I got four.

“I have made this longer than usual because I have not had time to make it shorter.” - Blaise Pascal (Probably)