I’m pretty sure the goal behind the no phone rule is not that utilizing a phone is inherently bad, but that you’re trying to avoid building the habits and behavior that comes with having a smart phone on you, like doom scrolling, constant social media access, constant distraction etc. And in that case, the kid having some limited access to other kids phones (If they even do. Who among any of us just lets someone else use our phone unrestricted) isn’t going to undermine that effort.
As well as unhealthy. Why give your kid a device if you don’t trust them with it?
That’s my standard. Either I trust them with the device, or I don’t, and no amount of filters will help me feel comfortable with giving them something early. I was a kid, and I know kids can figure out how to evade filters. I’ve done it myself.
So no, either no phone or complete trust, and they need to earn my trust first.
Yes, it’s part of set them up to succeed not fail. And another part of it is I want them to have a clean break from the outside world, from friendship drama or clinginess, from school stuff, etc. Digital switch off isn’t something people are good at doing by themselves as adults!
I think the healthier way to handle that is to explain why it’s a good thing and help them set appropriate boundaries. I like what my boss does, every week or two they have a “no tech” day where they put their phones in a safe, including the parents. They then have fun together, either by playing board games, having a picnic, etc.
Give them advance notice so they can plan appropriately, and make sure it’s fun. If they like it, they’ll likely want to do it again.
I think you’re assuming a lot from a little. I’m not explaining every thing we do around my home and my kids. I’m explaining 1 thing, it’s not everything.
What else can I do? I’m not speaking specifically to you, this is a public forum so I’m trying to keep my statements broad enough that they’d hopefully apply to more people than just you, but who are in a similar situation.
If it doesn’t apply to your specific circumstance, cool, you’re presumably an adult and can decide what’s best for you and yours. My larger point is that having some amount of distance from technology occasionally to improve bonding within a family is generally a good thing, for most people. Maybe your kid is autistic and screen time is the best way for them to learn and interact. Idk, I’m not you, I can only speak to what I’ve seen written.
“the healthier way is…” that’s a response to me directly and a judgment
That’s an opinion. It’s also one that I could probably support with evidence, though the research on the subject is in flux right now, kind of like video games and violence were back in the 90s/00s when we were concerned about school shootings.
The raise your child to use a device appropriately. Waiting until they are a teenager is far too late to form the appropriate habits around self limiting screen time.
I get that no one wants to blame the device but this is clearly a parenting issue and I say this as someone who has on average raised far more children than anyone in my generation.
But go ahead and lean into the articles that blame on the evil algorithms and the evil corporations. Personal and parental responsibility is hard anx blaming outside influences is easy.
Raise your children or someone else will do it for you.
Exactly. I see kids walking to elementary school staring at a smartphone. Why? What could they possibly need a smartphone for?
I’m not sure when we’ll give our kids phones, but certainly not in elementary school. I might start them on a flip phone in middle school/junior high (like 12-13yo) so they can text, and probably give them a PC as well around that time for intro to SM so they can keep up w/friends. But a smartphone isn’t happening for a while. Until then, if they need a phone, I’ll have one they can borrow.
I am a living breathing example of a kid who got a phone at 17, I had a bit of a honeymoon period with it, had lots of fun and distraction, but eventually got used to it and actually use it for organising my schoolwork to do list, check the weather and my daily schedule.
I do tend to use social media on it, but only on the bus, since that’s usually when I don’t have anything else to do. I self limit my screen time pretty well, usually only 30 mins to an hour total per day, and I’ve always had all my devices without parental control systems, since my parents never knew how to set them up.
Also, you saying it’s never about algorithms designed to siphon your attention is inherently incorrect of a statement. They literally have hundreds of data metrics to effectively lock you into staring at the screen mindlessly, although parenting also has a part to play, since you also should teach your child on how to control their attention and harness it to actually do something fulfilling, though many parents don’t know how to.
I’m pretty sure the goal behind the no phone rule is not that utilizing a phone is inherently bad, but that you’re trying to avoid building the habits and behavior that comes with having a smart phone on you, like doom scrolling, constant social media access, constant distraction etc. And in that case, the kid having some limited access to other kids phones (If they even do. Who among any of us just lets someone else use our phone unrestricted) isn’t going to undermine that effort.
Yes there are a multitude of reasons, not least that filtering only does so much and constant surveillance is unrealistic.
As well as unhealthy. Why give your kid a device if you don’t trust them with it?
That’s my standard. Either I trust them with the device, or I don’t, and no amount of filters will help me feel comfortable with giving them something early. I was a kid, and I know kids can figure out how to evade filters. I’ve done it myself.
So no, either no phone or complete trust, and they need to earn my trust first.
Yes, it’s part of set them up to succeed not fail. And another part of it is I want them to have a clean break from the outside world, from friendship drama or clinginess, from school stuff, etc. Digital switch off isn’t something people are good at doing by themselves as adults!
I think the healthier way to handle that is to explain why it’s a good thing and help them set appropriate boundaries. I like what my boss does, every week or two they have a “no tech” day where they put their phones in a safe, including the parents. They then have fun together, either by playing board games, having a picnic, etc.
Give them advance notice so they can plan appropriately, and make sure it’s fun. If they like it, they’ll likely want to do it again.
I think you’re assuming a lot from a little. I’m not explaining every thing we do around my home and my kids. I’m explaining 1 thing, it’s not everything.
What else can I do? I’m not speaking specifically to you, this is a public forum so I’m trying to keep my statements broad enough that they’d hopefully apply to more people than just you, but who are in a similar situation.
If it doesn’t apply to your specific circumstance, cool, you’re presumably an adult and can decide what’s best for you and yours. My larger point is that having some amount of distance from technology occasionally to improve bonding within a family is generally a good thing, for most people. Maybe your kid is autistic and screen time is the best way for them to learn and interact. Idk, I’m not you, I can only speak to what I’ve seen written.
When you say things like “the healthier way is…” that’s a response to me directly and a judgment. So it’s that kind of thing.
But sure it’s fine, I’m open to the conversation, just not up for defending a decision.
That’s an opinion. It’s also one that I could probably support with evidence, though the research on the subject is in flux right now, kind of like video games and violence were back in the 90s/00s when we were concerned about school shootings.
The raise your child to use a device appropriately. Waiting until they are a teenager is far too late to form the appropriate habits around self limiting screen time.
I get that no one wants to blame the device but this is clearly a parenting issue and I say this as someone who has on average raised far more children than anyone in my generation.
But go ahead and lean into the articles that blame on the evil algorithms and the evil corporations. Personal and parental responsibility is hard anx blaming outside influences is easy.
Raise your children or someone else will do it for you.
Given that smartphones didn’t even exist until I was a teenager, going to go ahead and call bullshit on that.
Sure is. Too many parents handing their developing children smartphones long before they should. Luckily OP hasn’t made that mistake.
And nobody needs articles to tell them the corporations and algorithms are evil. Some of us are old enough to have lived through the advent of them.
Exactly. I see kids walking to elementary school staring at a smartphone. Why? What could they possibly need a smartphone for?
I’m not sure when we’ll give our kids phones, but certainly not in elementary school. I might start them on a flip phone in middle school/junior high (like 12-13yo) so they can text, and probably give them a PC as well around that time for intro to SM so they can keep up w/friends. But a smartphone isn’t happening for a while. Until then, if they need a phone, I’ll have one they can borrow.
But they are raising their children.
Without a phone.
The algorithms have been proven to be addictive. Do you really think Facebook is your friend? You are their product, not their consumer.
Raise your child to smoke meth appropriately.
I am a living breathing example of a kid who got a phone at 17, I had a bit of a honeymoon period with it, had lots of fun and distraction, but eventually got used to it and actually use it for organising my schoolwork to do list, check the weather and my daily schedule.
I do tend to use social media on it, but only on the bus, since that’s usually when I don’t have anything else to do. I self limit my screen time pretty well, usually only 30 mins to an hour total per day, and I’ve always had all my devices without parental control systems, since my parents never knew how to set them up.
Also, you saying it’s never about algorithms designed to siphon your attention is inherently incorrect of a statement. They literally have hundreds of data metrics to effectively lock you into staring at the screen mindlessly, although parenting also has a part to play, since you also should teach your child on how to control their attention and harness it to actually do something fulfilling, though many parents don’t know how to.