“Boring” people often have a good time with other “boring” people. So it’s maybe just a case of looking in the wrong places?

A free fork is called FossifyOrg

Hallo,

Eine Frage aus eigenem Interesse. Hast du eine Idee/Erfahrung, wo man in Hamburg neurodivergente Menschen treffen und kennenlernen kann? Gibt es eine Vernetzung oder explizite Kreise (auch z.B. Telegram-Gruppen)? Ich bin neu in der Stadt und habe kaum Anknüpfungspunkte. Bin selber längst erwachsen, selbst-erkannt neurodivergent ohne Diagnose aber mit üblichen sekundären Problemen und Maskieren-bis-zum-Gehtnichtmehr; suche weniger nach einem klinischen (“gestörten”) Zugang und mehr nach einem kreativen – Störungen vergehen Stärken gewinnen Kraft wenn inspirierende Gesellschaft vorhanden ist.

Alles Gute und vielleicht bis bald!

Shortened translation: I’m asking OP for possible ND networking and groups in Hamburg in an attempt to get some foothold through possibly inspiring and understanding circles, as i have recently moved to the city.

This sounds more like you not really being aware of your qualities, and/or you looking at females who would not be a match for you (meaning neither of you would be satisfied if you tried). While there do exist qualities which make people truely unattractive (disorders such as uncontrolled rage for example), you don’t say that.
It’s true that mating choice in humans is foremost the female’s choice, yet you might be surprised by what they see as qualities to appreciate. If you are an introvert, despair not, because 30-ish percent of all people could be classified as such, and that specifically could be seen as an appreciable quality by a woman who also sees herself as such …

You are only invisible if you literally hide away. – You do not give us much information as to why you think this way, or about your cultural background. You might be truely physically impaired or clinically depressive, or part of a culture where men and women are mostly kept separated, and that would actually make it more difficult but not impossible at all to find a match. Not having such information, i will refrain myself from just telling you to “go out of your hole more, man” and such. –

May we perhaps get a hint at your age? Because answers could get more helpful if we knew. (Don’t ever think you are too old)

Yet, in whatever way you are set up, think of it like this: there are likely, literally, millions of people in your area and half of them are women, and a good percentage of those are in your age range (the older you get the wider this range gets). You can be certain that there is a sizeable number of women who have the same kind of thoghts and feelings as you do right now, and perhaps more important even, Your emotional and mental state can and will change.
In other words, you are certainly not unworthy in the eyes of the one you would not have expected to find you attractive. Of course, you need to actually show up in places where you likely meet people who share your interests (iow. “find you attractive”) …

My own experience: considered myself an “introvert” (until more recently i learned it’s likely “more than just that”). Had great difficulties finding the right approach toward women in general, until i was 25 … when it happened for the first time that a woman approached me, in a very assuring way (like, “want to come home with me, we make food and then I’d like to show you around my bedroom”). I took the chance and although i was “easy prey” for her it was the right thing to do because she was treating my inexperience in a sensitive way. Nevertheless, she was not a good match interest-wise, so that lasted only a couple of monts (and broke in anger).
A year later, a similar thing happened again … at a seminar after-party, a student colleague who i wouldn’t have thought of just so asked if she could stay the night with me. She didn’t appear the most attractive to me but neither did i seem to be particularly attractive to others. Somehow i was wrong. That time it turned out quickly that it was me who was the more experienced one. … And that woman was an “introvert” match (whom i now think of as being “more than just introvert”, too) – we’ve been a couple for seven years. …
After that, both our paths in life changed considerably so we broke up in mutual agreement that we both needed to experience new things in life (i found a more spiritual-leaning path and learned what “love” is really about; she went with another man and discovered that she wanted to have children after all). …

The relevant part here is that despite me thinking of myself not being particularly attractive, it kept happening that women just approached me, asking quite explicitly. – And it almost always happened when i had gone into the company of like-minded people, but without the specific intent to seek out a woman. I can only remember one time when i did make an explicit move myself (even at that occasion i knew that i wouldn’t get turned down because of the way she went all so lovely excited both times we had met before).
All in all, i wasn’t together with very many and now that i’m older i still miss finding my true partner, but i can say that any of the experiences i got the chance to have, had its distinct flavour of enjoyability (well, perhaps minus the one time she later admitted she had abused me). Many of the women i love, i did never even get close to. A couple of times it was me who had to leave them behind because our paths just couldn’t go together. A number of times it was sexual enjoyment for a number of days.

If you are asking, how does it feel … well that’s asking for poetry. Every experience is different though, and so will be yours (yes i say it will). It can be very satisfying, very lacking, questionable, exciting, soothing, mind-melting, enchanting, hurting, teaching. Pick yours. :-)

Was this some glitch in the matrix, then? (For reference: attack happened on 2024-04-14)

Why would you care to read and respond in an ask-random-lemmy-users-for-opinions@major-instance if you wouldn’t be interested in random lemmy users’ opinions?

The TOS are unambiguous concerning the meaning of the term “website”.

This Terms of Service applies to your access to and active use of <www.lemmy.world> (“we,”“us,” “our,” “the website,” “Lemmy.World,” or “LW”). ​

So this is used in the common sense of “data coherently served under one domain/subdomain name which is intended to be displayed by web browsers”. It totally doesn’t concern someone who interacts with content originally posted on lemmy.world from a different federated server (or a lemmy client? idk if the API would run on the “www” subdomain but doubt it). They are even somewhat overspecific with the “www”. Not even the web interface runs on a “www” subdomain which means that no-one ever interacts with such a website anyway.

So in order to be correct your job would be to ask anyone with a lemmy.world account who states they are younger than 18, if they are posting through the www interface … 🤷
I just checked where the images are coming from, and nope they are coming not from www.lemmy.world but from lemmy.world/pictrs/.

In other words, you could totally be autistic and explain to them that those TOS hardly apply to anyone within a federated/website-independent system and therefore are hardly enforcible and are reasonably bullshit may need a re-work.

Thanks for sharing this!
I’m thinking this must be one of the defining characteristics that is shared by most ND people. It’s not new to me and my self-experience but finally there i have someone who put it in clear words, and it explains a lot about ND social functioning.
Also read that “Grand Emotions” article which is being linked to in the article, which has the underlying reason (“truth” and such as primary(!) emotions that’s an interesting take).
I can use this well for explaining what it means, “a fundamental difference not a disability in understanding”.

Edit … And also there’s some light on my confusion with the meaning of the word community. For me it would mean much more than “grouping of people with similar interest” but more like “communal”. Maybe i shouldn’t call the thing i want to find/co-op a “neurodiverse community” at all.

Looks as if someone were training a trolling bot with this account.

You seem to show some of your self-image here (a concept that replaces the misleading “ego”). The short description you give seems to tell that this is attached to “the quantity of your doing”. Hence the idea of “living = doing more = becoming more” vs. “dying = doing less = becoming less”.

While there is nothing wrong with that in principle (heaps of books exist on the different philosophical approaches on this wider topic and yours is quite popular among certain cultures), we could without changing much arrive at a different but perhaps more satisfying conclusion.
The change is from equating “living” to the experience of exercising our body and mind, to “living” being the experience of purely inhabiting and owning that body and mind. – That would probably be what people mean when they seemingly tell you to paradoxically “live a little” (implying to mean “live a little more”) by “doing less”. Which, when we really concentrate on enjoying the pure experience will not actually mean that we are just idling but it would mean we would be less occupied with exercising and more occupied with observing the living (or observing the feeling of it). Whether we actually do physical/mental exercising or not does not really matter. It’s just more easy for many people to do the observing while they are “idling” or “meditating” in a still way, but any way that fits a specific person is good. We might be surprised by how active we are when doing that.

That way we could arrive at the insight that “doing less” does not equal “becoming less” (perhaps even the contrary), neither that “dying” equals “becoming less”. :-)

edit … If we were to see “living” and “dying” purely as functions of an organism regardless of the existence of a self-image, then “living” would mean a sustained state of dynamic equilibrium whereas “dying” would be a transitory state toward non-equilibrium (that is decaying). Interestingly, decaying should then be a transitory state from being one dead organism into sustaining the equilibrium of living in other organisms (i.e. becoming the other); while there would be no transitory state toward becoming living (there’s just a transition from being a single cell to being an organism).

You are damn right when you are frustrated, and you are damn right in expressing that.

I am sad and embarassed (right word?) about all the unempathic comments you are being met with.(*) I’d say ignore them if you can – literally put them on your ignore list if you wish, and take them perhaps as your involuntary helpers who demonstrate what you are usually met with (if this is the case). So that this has a purpose and doesn’t hurt you …

Like someone else commented, you probably do not want such people to be your “friends” – they would only be friends with that mask you present to them in order to appease. Your frustrated/lonely expression is a mask, too. But that one they don’t like and why you wear it doesn’t interest them.

Kick that idea that you are disabled (i know, i know, but try to push it away) and it will help you to relax (that’s important). The more we train a specific thought pattern, the more that will become our only reality.

Being on your own, or being in the position of the quiet observer for the time being could actually be a good thing to have, as it will give you inner and outer room to move (away from the rigid/unrelaxed idea which makes it seem a burden). Look for such people whose presence you would enjoy. That is, such people whith whom you would resonate, naturally. Those might be the ones who are able to observe beyond the mask and those who play alone. They might not be the most relaxed ones, initially.

The good fruit are rare and you are young. I hope this resonates or is at least a lottle comforting. From someone who had many developments happen ten years late.
[leaving that typo as-is because i like that word … a lottle]

(*) I just held myself back from answering each of those comments with “this hurts” … but it would have me spam the comment tree. Leaving it up to you.

Uh this hurts. Please remember where we are posting here and that people might have subtle but very relevant differences in the way they empathise and communicate. Thank you.

If you want people to understand you then you have to express the you. That’s what OP does. Expressing their discomfort so that others can know about it. If others don’t feel comfortable around someone who is not comfortable with them in the first place, then that’s exactly what they should feel. Discomfort. … OP seems to not yet know that the people they are looking fore will be the ones who actually understand such a mode of empathic communication, and know how to be comforting.

You are damn right when you are frustrated, and you are damn right in expressing that. [moved the rest of this comment to the top level]

Do you, by some chance, mean c/ukraine on sopuli and people cheering to the real-life gore that keeps being posted there, and users getting banned for their ethical concerns about it?

e: It can be pointed out that it’s even worse here than on platforms run by single companies. With those, the admins themselves will mostly not have a stake in the company but they themselves will be employees, which in theory would enable the company to hire ehtically vetted/trained personnel. Whereas here, the admins are likely be tech people who know how to run a server but might otherwise be overwhelmed with ethical conducting, or put their own political teint onto their platform, respectively. Lemmy has been deliberately set up in such a way.

Add to that the lack of good moderation tools. Many of the issues people are complaining about are prely technical, though; what is displayed in UI and database functionality. Such things could be solved though, by actually hiring some capable software developers (takes substantial funding), or by having it done bit by bit. Would there be enough people with enough faith in Lemmy to substantially contribute

Not OP but i just found an answer. Top loaders may have a center agitator which is there to … agitate more – which we don’t want to do.

Any machine that is without a center agitator will be more gentle on clothes and less likely to cause shrinking due to fiber damage and consolidation. If you have a top-loading washer with a center agitator, reduce its impact on your garments by opting for a gentle or hand-wash cycle.

(from the same link that i posted in another comment)

Why does it happen? My first answer, it’s dur to felting which happens mostly with sorts of wool that have a hairs with a scaled surface. Felting (when producing felt) is done by moisturing, heating and heavy agitation, so that the scales interlock at a compressed state and then stay that way.

Search turns up several ways of shrinkage though, for different types of fiber: felting, relaxation, consolidation, and contraction. Interesting to read --> Why Do Clothes Shrink in the Wash?

[x] definitely agree (i think)

see what resonates with people, and how we approach thinking about the questions

^ this! i’m always happy to learn about how others actually function.

Me:
At first, “i have an objection …” – but what is it?
– So, i definitely hear a lot of things which others seem to not notice. But how would i know if this happens often; what to relate that “often” to when people do not usually talk about such things. It just happened often enough when i started talking about it, that i learned to assume that most people don’t notice the fine detail.

Then the train of thought is kicked off. I think there is a difference between general sensitivity (sensing) and sensibility (perception) which are not always at a constant level. E.g. i would put it as sensitivity when i can hear the whistling of chargers and power adaptors, a ringing of keys in the pocket or the occasional high-pitched screech of a car’s brake. It’s due to sensibility when such sounds become disturbing or uncomfortable/painful (other peoples’ chewing noises, anyone?).
– I think this question is about sensitivity.

Single leaves falling from a nearby tree. The sound of fine rain. A woodworm making its way through the furniture. I don’t know if others notice that.
As a maker of drums, when a hair got caught under the skin and it makes a tiny snare … unbearable.

Further, the sensitivity is not just about noticing small noises but it’s related to an ability to distinguish components/patterns out of a mixture of sounds as well as distinguish small nuances of sounds. I notice the different perception only when i’m avidly describing why i’m so excited about something.

Vocalists who have several different singing voices which evoke different pictures of that person.
A masterful piece of electronic music where i count 10+ layers, and that minimalist ^pkk-pkk rhythm it started with still stands out.
I discovered they are using binaural beats on trance music dancefloors. There’s a slight difference in the bass tones when moving between the speakers. I guess it’s in the theta range, literally synchronising people’s brainwaves. …

I used to be bothered by bat calls, and that’s supposedly inaudible to humans.

Some species do partially chirp into the human audible range. But yeah it still requires moderately good hearing.

Societies would probably degenerate to absolute chaos. Relevant book exists: The Children of Men
film: Children of Men, 2006 (trigger alert: realistic brutality!)

Exactly, thanks.
I could also have said something about misguided patriarchic structures but if they react like that just on female promiscuity, such an effort would be wasted.
(Yes i mean to say that monogamy is an invention of male dominance cultures.)

@deur@feddit.nl