I love that this conversation is taking place between the school librarian and the substitute teachers

Exactly!

My grandmother said, “The time for tarts are when they’re passing.” She meant “take what’s offered when its offered,” but I want it printed on the programs at my funeral

This is one of those things that I never realized how much I wanted and needed it until I just learned of its existence

Trans men pretending to be women aren’t women, they’re men.

That’s what you meant, right?

I’m in bed with a fractured wrist and an opoid intolerance/allergy. Where can I learn more about the dominant pain systems/different solutions you mentioned?

Something about this move makes me feel like he was bragging to somebody about how he managed to own a single letter domain, and his conversation ended up somehow here, with him doubling down on what wasn’t even a good joke to begin with.

This is purely speculative, obviously, but it just makes me think it’s him putting his money where his mouth is to save face to someone else (who is likely bemused at best)

My first employer was Waffle House.

I was 16 on a dead afternoon shift after school one day when a couple came in and ordered some steak and eggs. I gave them their silverware plus some steak knives and wait for the food to cook. The only other people in the building are the meth-seasoned cook and this little old man and his little 6 year old daughter, so I’m back on my homework while I wait.

Another group comes in, three guys. I’m getting their menus ready so I can seat them and they were already gone. Whatever.

Five minutes later one of the guys comes back, walks swiftly and directly to the couple’s table, grabs a steak knife, and tries to STAB THE GUY because apparently the woman was his girlfriend and the guy was now persona non grata for Stabby Man.

Before I even process what’s going on, Little Old Man has teleported across the dining room and grappled this guy into a secure hold. Meanwhile he’s speaking to me in a sweet gentle grandfatherly voice, telling me to get the phone, call 911, etc.

Turns out the little old man was a retired Texas Ranger and if he wasn’t there that day, that probably would have been a really messy, traumatic day for everyone.

Again: this was a Wednesday afternoon in full daylight, not 4 am Waffle House Chaos Afterhours

If I’m telling someone else how long a drive will be, I tell them the drive time without stops. If I’m telling someone how long a drive is/was for me personally, I’ll include time for stops and note how many times I stopped along the way, for context