¿Qué?

Every single time I get naked.

It’s a chore.

Dry rape? Bro it’s a torture thing today

But don’t you know condoms burst at the sight of my shlong? It has nothing to do with the fact that the sight of naked me dries up a pussy quicker than a fucking hairdryer.

that’s what she said

Sometimes my car decides to play some radio before connecting to my phone. It’s an unfortunate side-effect of owning a not-too-nice car.

Radio DJs are little more than advertising agents nowadays. Or worse, wannabe entertainers.

Making car-pedestrian collisions safe is a ridiculous idea failed to doom from the start. Cars are big and hard, people are small and squishy.

I think the key is to prevent cars and people from coexisting as much as possible.

Or horny.

And not having money. If I feel sad now I can go for a drive or ride to clear my mind. Also I have the presence of mind and maturity to introspect what is going on and how best to address it.

Also if I feel really sad I can always buy another motorbike.

Domains were seized.

They are probably right, unfortunately.

I wouldn’t buy an automatic bike, coz I ride bikes for fun.

The daily get-to-work shitbox? I don’t want to babysit the gearbox, just do your thing while I chill to some tunes.

Sponges?

Yeah I’ll do the washing myself, thank you very much.

Also no one else being there.

Also being in my home.

Also getting to work in pants.

So I guess nothing, then 👌

The only reason you get that title, on either count, is that we decided to brexit.

(Using the word “decided” in the widest possible sense)

I just bought it the other day and went in blind with a friend. My god is it an insane game.

My friend isn’t even an engineer and he was talking about refactoring.

I’ll make an engineer out of him yet, you’ll see.

That’s what they always say, but no one considers the starting conditions.

Imagine you’re fighting a dead fat guy. Sounds easy, right? 300kg of dead weight just waiting for you to bury your fists in it.

But now imagine the fat guy starts next to you, standing. Can you stop 300kg of dead flabby dude from burying you? Didn’t think so. You’re gonna die a gruesome suffocating death under some guy’s quadruple chin because you didn’t consider the implications.

Come on. Be better, people.

I thought you fed on sovereignty like the rest of us?

You’re missing out, bruvva

Jay-Zed as a joke is definitely something I’ve done.

They’re just following in the EU’s steps in a self-aggrandising move. Everyone knows apple won’t bother with splitting the iphone line and will go with USB-C soon.