Lexx did it!

This article is pure satire and should not be taken seriously (unless you, too, have questioned your entire existence after losing access to a forest green Subaru Outback—then we get it). No actual riots, therapy sessions, or underground Subaru trades took place (that we know of). And for those currently in crisis due to the lack of green Outbacks, stay strong. Your identity is more than your car. (Probably.)

The University of Chicago is private. The University of Illinois Chicago is public. They have the added issue the people definitely use the names interchangeably because they don’t know there’s more than one.