I donāt usually ever talk about things like this, especially to strangers and I will probably delete it eventually butā¦.
Iām 21. And from like age 8-20 I had a problem with stealing. And it was not because I necessarily needed to but I would usually just take candy from stores. And as stupid as sounds, thatās literally the only reason why I did itā¦because I wanted candy. Only time I took something I actually needed were some batteries and a phone charger but nothing beyond just that. I also took money from my classmates lockers and I even once almost took someoneās iPod, but I was so afraid that I ended up giving it back the next day. But whatās even worse is the fact that I have taken some of my brotherās birthday/Christmas money that he keeps in a stash. Rough estimate at least $250. Could be less. And yes I do feel horrible about it all. And I wish I could go back in time and have never done it to begin with. Fast forward to now I have successfully fought off the urge to shoplift because I know how bad it can be for your career if you get caught. Iām currently a full time college student so I donāt work. My dad gives me a certain amount of spending money every week to kind of help me. And I have been putting a bit of it back in my brotherās stash as restitution. And no I havenāt told my brother because we do have a good relationship and heās one of the closest people to me. I appreciate any advice. Feel free to call me a pos as well.
Edited Update: thanks for the advice and support. So basically after going back and forth about it I decided to tell my mom pretty much what I told this thread. I didnāt go too deep into detail in terms of listing every single thing I took but I told her enough to know whatās going on. Surprisingly, she didnāt get angry about it. Disappointed, yes. But I know she was glad I told her. She reminded me in her humorous fashion that she āreserves the right to get mad.ā So this weekend we plan on going to the bank to get money out of my savings and give it to my brother. Right now, heās at school in a difference city and wonāt be back until Spring break. Thatās when I plan on telling him and giving him the money and will offer to buy him lunch afterwards. I do feel better now that my mom knows but the mission isnāt accomplished until my brother knows. Like I said, him and I are fairly close and we rarely fight over anything besides petty stupid stuff, so I donāt know how he will react. Prayers and good luck would be appreciated as well as any additional advice.
I think it would be more constructive to talk to a therapist about this compulsion to steal.
Everyone steals a couple times as a kid I think but it sounds like you still have this compulsion and did it far more frequently than most kids. Really only a therapist can help you work through this. And the guilt you feel associated with it.
Thereās not really any value in determining whether labels like good person or bad person apply to you. Either option tends to end in the same result: an end to the process of introspection and a continuation of the same behavior youāre already doing. āIām a good person so I donāt have to changeā or āIām a bad person so thereās no point in trying to changeā but change is the only thing that will actually affect the feelings that are inspiring you to ask the question.
The update looks like a step in a healthy direction. You felt scared so you looked for support and you felt guilty so you looked to apologize (and reimburse). Stay focused on the process of feeling better and stop stressing about absolutes.
I hope that giving back the money and buying him lunch will be enough. But donāt be surprised if he loses trust in you and needs more to rebuild the relationship.
you could be a kleptomaniac. iād check out a psychiatrist if i were you.
Judgement:
- Stealing from family and friends is super wrong.
- Stealing from strangers is pretty wrong.
- Stealing from small delis and family-owned business is wrong.
- Stealing from supermarkets and retailers? Eh.
If the multi billion dollar company employees need food stamps to live. Steal away.
Iād be careful about that. Walmart in particular is getting nasty about theft. Even in making a mistake at the self checkout theyāve ruined peopleās lives.
Kant would argue that you universalize all forms of theft by stealing so if we ever see stealing as immoral then it is wrong to do as it fails the metric of the application of the categorical imperative. I mean I donāt buy into Kantian morality but if one did he might make less of a distinction between them.
(Your comment is hidden on the main post weirdly)
I view stealing more in kharmic sense: if you steal from me, I should be able to steal from you. Retailers legal theft by price gouging shouldnāt be overlooked just because its legal.
(Your comment is hidden on the main post weirdly)
I assume you mean you canāt see it on discuss.online
This is because that server defederated from lemmygrad.ml see https://discuss.online/instances for a list of instances that discuss.online blocks. This also means that op cannot read this thread.
My sister started a pet store. Took her 1 year to plan it all out and get it lined up. And she opened.
Theft was a constant problem from day one. Kids would steal aquarium filters and similarly pointless stuff. She installed cameras. She reported them to the cops. Nothing fucking changed.
She bailed out after a few years when the lease came up, losing her shirt but not her house, and now manages a vet hospital owned by some vets. They have no end of customers but definitely a list.
Steal from a retailer like that makes it okay? Just fuck you.
By retailer I really meant the large gargantuan ones that sell everything, I have to admit I never knew retailers extended to small business owners. Sorry about your sisterās business
if you are really worried about it have a session with a mental health professional. Kleptomania is a type of OCD and can and should be treated
I heard about kleptomania but I donāt have the desire to steal as much as I did when I was a kid.
Just because you grew doesnt mean itās gone. Do it. The worst it can happen is you not getting anything out of this
That might be true, but in this post you say you were doing it only a year ago and still fight the urge to shoplift so itās probably still worth looking into.
Doesnāt hurt to talk to someone about it, maybe youāve aged out of it, maybe itās slowly manifesting itself in a different way, there are professionals that can tell the difference.
Nobody is going to hold a young adult accountable for minor things they did as a child, especially not a psychiatrist. Itās better to get checked when you have the awareness that something night not have been right, because when things are very wrong you wonāt have the desire to get checked.
Yeah, but Iād aggree with MissJinx. Lots of teenagers occasionally shoplift. But stealing a significant amount of money from your brother is imo defintly a big red flag.
Still, going open with it is a really great step imo. But Iād also say, that if you ever again feel that urge, professional help would be a good idea.
The thing is not the amout of times or money, itās feeling sorry and āthe urgeā. doing it because you have no morals or because you feel he owes you wouldnāt be because of an urge nor you would feel sorry
Yeah, but you still have to differentiate between teenagers trying out their borders and pathological cleptomania.
Id say easily half of my high-school class had a shoplifting phase.
yes, I canāt do that but thatās why I believe it would be good for him to have a professional.assessment.
Fundamentally, your question is ādoes it make me a bad person if I have done bad things?ā, which is so complicated that people make entire philosophies and religions out of the answers to that, haha.
My view: you can be a good person who has done bad things, if you change your behavior and try to make amends. That doesnāt mean everyone has to accept or forgive you, but itās a necessary part of being a good person.
Okay I donāt have any advice except this:
If you have to steal, please only steal from big corporate chain stores, not the small bussiness.
Also, be careful, cameras are everywhere these days.
Iām not judging the act of theft, just where you steal from. Please only steal from the rich.
Edit: Btw, I also really want to steal stuffā¦ just becauseā¦
The only thing stopping me is the legal punishment. I hate the rich for what theyāve done to society and Iād love to steal, it makes me happy.
I already do a lot of digital piracy. I feel so good. Its a victimless crime. š“āā ļø
Also, spread theft aroundā¦ A guy in Lowes was telling me they donāt try and stop thieves until they rack up $10k of stuff so they can hit them with a bigger charge. Said they are using facial recognition and tracking that way now. Might have been full of shit but my dystopian mind thought it plausible.
Yeah Walmart does the same thing. Itās usually because the cops donāt really care about individual thefts but if they show you repeatedly stealing they can bring a real case against you
Mask up š·
Also, donāt steal in your local area.
Something Iāve heard in different ways goes something like this: A young man wanted a bike so he prayed to his god for a bike but never got it. So he stole the bike and prayed for forgiveness.
You already know the answer to your question. The (rhetorical) question now, is what will you do going forward?
(Semi-related story, but unhelpful to OP)
When I was a child, I got tired of seeing the news coverage of Royal Family shenanigans on seemingly every single channel. So I did what any child did, and got down on one knee and prayed to God to kill Princess Diana. One week later, she was dead. The guilt stayed with me for a while.The (real) question then was, what do I do going forward? The answer: Never pray again.
You gotta talk to a psych and get diagnosed
There isnāt anything inherently wrong with stealing if you need to, but in our society, youāve done some things that are socially unacceptable. However, you canāt change the past so donāt worry about it. People do dumb shit when theyāre young. You can only change your behavior to better yourself and your neighbors in the future. Be better tomorrow than you were today.
āWhat is better: to be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?ā
- Paarthurnax
Iāll tap in for Brother Bear!
What are you trying to solve here beyond indulging guilt? Your last sentence is outright asking to be told youāre bad. If you want validation or excuse for that you can go to confession or seek diagnosis (which might fairly fit into your plan, Iām not judging).
You say, āIf you steal from someone ā¦ saying sorry doesnāt do much for me because if you were sorry, you wouldnāt have done it in the first place.ā I hear, āavoidanceā. Apologies are promises, commitments, and covenants, not regret and remorse. Simply Feeling Bad is the relinquished barflyās philosophy and doesnāt accomplish much but prolonging the bad feeling.
Talking anonymously online or in person can be a healthy start to validate and work through both the stealing and the secrecy, but growing beyond those releases all The Stuff so you can exist honestly and authentically with your pack.
There are no good and bad people. People are just people, with all the complexity that involves.
But if you feel this concern then itās probably a sign to talk to a mental health professional.
Seek a therapist. Some universities offer their students counseling for free if you canāt afford it.
I would be careful with this. My university says it can use anything I say in counseling against me in a lawsuit.
Woah wtf?
Yeah idek
Stealing as a compulsion is a psychological issue itās nothing to feel bad about as you have no control over it, just a) do the best you can to NOT do that and b) as a college student, you should have assistance available to you to help out. It might be worth talking to a counsellor about it or see of the school offers psych services.
Failing that, in the US, under Obamacare, youāre covered under your parents health insurance until you turn 26, it would be worth seeing what services are available there.
